iCan't Take It Anymore
by Jeck
Summary: Sam has always been tough, witty, and smart. On rare occasions, she has shown her softer, more sensitive side. But there is still another side that Sam Puckett hasn't shared with anyone, not even Carly. A much darker side.


This is my first iCarly fanfic. And it's also my first non-romantic fanfic too. Woot! So go easy on me, guys. The first part of this is in Sam's POV. Enjoy!

It's rated T because of references to suicide.

I don't own iCarly.

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iCan't Take It Anymore

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The clock chimes midnight as I stare out the small window in my bedroom. There isn't much of a view since I live in the one of the worst neighborhoods this side of Seattle. There are a few hobos searching for a safe place to sleep and the shop down the street is finally closing for the night. All is quiet, which is something very rare in Seattle.

My mother isn't home tonight. She went out to her favorite bar with her new boyfriend and I don't expect her home until tomorrow night. I never tell Carly that my mother is never home anymore, though it's much to my relief. I don't need her.

No, that's a lie. I do need her. I need a mother who cooks for me, who helps me do my laundry, who makes sure I get to school safely, who helps me with my homework at night, and who loves me most of all. I don't have that kind of mother. Most of the boyfriends that she brings home aren't too nice either. In fact, I just finished cleaning up the house after my mother brought her new boyfriend, Chad, home for a few minutes. I don't know where she finds these horrible men.

I suppose that I don't help my case either. These men come looking for a fight and I'm too stubborn to just let it go. No one at school knows that I'm as tough as I am because I've had to deal with these terrible men almost all my life. Shortly before I met Carly Shay, my father died. After that, life just kept going downhill.

No, that's a lie too. As I pull out my first aid kit from under my bed, I think about the truth. Ever since I met Carly Shay and her older brother, my life got a little better. Melanie was lucky. She found the easy way out and left. I could never be like her though. Despite all the crap at home, I could never leave my mother. Her boyfriends aren't just abusive to me.

Melanie knows the situation though and checks in once a month. Perhaps all my anger at her comes from the fact that I'm jealous that she escaped this life. Still, I'm glad she's safe. Melanie always reminds me, "If it gets too bad at home, you can always go to Carly's house. She will always be there for you, Sammy." She was right.

I spend most of my time at the Shay's apartment where I know I am always welcome. At the Shay's apartment, I'm not up at midnight stitching up my body and cleaning up the messes that my mother's boyfriends made earlier that day. At the Shay's apartment, I am safe and loved.

The first time that I showed up at Carly's door covered in blood and bruises, Carly realized how bad my house could get. She told me, "Sam, you're always welcome at our apartment. There are people that love you here." Of course me being me, I made some joke about how my cat still loves me. The truth is, my cat died a few years ago. I once stayed at the Shay's apartment for a week straight only to come home to a dead cat. My mother never fed him. I never forgave her.

All my time is spent at the Shay's apartment and Spencer always has to keep the house stocked with enough food for him, Carly, and me. He has to buy enough food for an adult male, a female teenage, and four growing teenage boys. I know that's not cheap, so I sometimes steal money from my mother and slip it into Spencer's wallet or Carly's purse without them knowing it. It's the least that I can do to thank them.

I suppose after all the crap I've been forced to go through, it's no surprise that I turned to some very bad outlets. I made friends with some of the kids in the wrong crowd who got me into drugs. After my mother passes out, I drink her leftover alcohol and tell her that she drank it all the night before. And worst of all, I turned to cutting.

Carly knows about the drugs and the drinking, but I never told her about the cutting. She never found out either. She tries to help, but what can she really do? She never realizes that just being at her apartment is more then enough. I couldn't be happier at her apartment. Even being near Freddie is worth getting out of my apartment. Freddie isn't nearly as bad as my mother or her boyfriends can be.

Sometimes I'm envious of the little nerd. His mother actually cares about him, unlike my mother. Yes, Freddie's mother takes it way too far, but a mother who cares too much is better than a mother that doesn't care at all. Ms. Benson is a freak, but she's the closest thing to a mother that I have and for that, I am grateful.

However, I can't stay at the Shay apartment forever. I feel bad enough that I spend so much time there already. I know Carly would beg Spencer to let me live with them if I asked and explained my situation, but I can't do that. I don't want to impose more than I already do.

Tonight is the night that I let myself be selfish though. I have it all planned out, though my mother's boyfriend set me back a few hours. I hadn't expected to have to clean the house and stitch myself up, but I still have plenty of time.

If Carly Shay knew I was a cutter, I think she would cry and try to make me put down the scissors. But Carly Shay doesn't know nor will she cry or make me stop.

Tonight, I can end it all. My mother wouldn't have to worry about that extra person in the house, though she doesn't really seem to worry anyway. Freddie won't have to worry about anyone mentally and physically scarring him any longer. Ms. Benson won't have to worry about that mean and nasty girl that hurts Freddie and hangs out with Carly anymore. Spencer won't have to worry about buying extra food every time he goes out to the store anymore. And most of all, Carly Shay won't have to worry about me at all in general. Tonight, I am going to end it all.

After tucking my first aid kit away under my bed, I pull my old shoe box out. The lid of the box is ripped in a few places and sits awkwardly on the top of the box. The rest of the box isn't in much better shape with a few holes here and there. The box no longer stands up straight and is slightly crunched down instead. In here, I hide my personal belongings that I don't want anyone else to see. I rummage through the box to pull out a very large pair of scissors with the shiny black finger holes.

I set the scissors down on my bed before hiding my shoe box away again. I leap up from my bed, careful not to put too much pressure on my left ankle. I'm almost 100% positive that Chad sprained it earlier that night. I gimp over to my desk to write a quite good-bye note. I might be selfish, but I'm not rude. Besides, I have a few final words to give to the world.

So these are my final words. This note contains my last message to the world and explains what lead me to kill myself.

I'm sorry, Carly Shay. You were the one thing in this world that kept me along as long as I was and I will always be grateful. However, I can't keep living any longer.

I'm so sorry…

* * *

"Are you the family of Ms. Samantha Puckett?" The doctor asked. A tall man with chocolate colored hair shook his head; his hazel eyes glazed over as he held back his tears.

"No one was able to get in contact with her mother. Sam practically lives at our house though and I'm the closest thing to a guardian other than her mother that she has. Please tell me, is she going to be okay?" The doctor starred at the man and at the teenage girl at his side. She bore the same color hair and eyes as the older man, yet she didn't even try to hold back the tears that ran freely down her face.

"Normally, I can't release any information to non-family members. However, since no one was able to contact her mother and you seem to be quite close to the girl, I shall make an except. Samantha Puckett is still alive." The man and the teenager let out deep breaths that neither had realized they were holding. The doctor nodded as he glanced down at the clipboard in his hands. "However, Samantha has a lot of hard work ahead of her now." The teenage looked up at the doctor.

"Can we see her?" The doctor nodded again.

"Of course you can. She's sleeping right now. Samantha is still unaware of what happened, so you might have to fill her in when she wakes up." The two brunettes nodded and scurried off down the hall to room 308. When they arrived, the older man looked down at his little sister before slowly opening the door. In the middle of the room lay a blonde haired girl. Bandages covered her left arm and many needles were sticking out of her body.

"Oh god… Sam…" The teenage girl said sadly as she approached the bedside.

"I'll leave you two alone, Carly." The older brother said as he turned back to the door, horrified at the sight before him.

"Thanks, Spence." Carly whispered from her seat beside her best friend. The blonde's light breathing made the brunette feel a little bit better, but she was still mortified that her best friend had just tried to kill herself. Carly picked up Sam's limp cold hand and brushed her fingertips across the back of her hand.

"Hey kid." Carly's head shot up when the weak husky voice of Sam echoed through her ears. It took every bit of self-control that Carly possessed to not jump on her best friend and squeeze her in a bear hug.

"Hey Sammy." Carly whispered back as she looked back into Sam's pale green eyes. Her eyelids were half-open, signaling that the blonde was still exhausted.

"Where am I?" She asked as she stifled back a yawn. Carly smiled before resuming rubbing the blonde's hand.

"The hospital." She said bluntly. Sam froze as the words left Carly's mouth.

"The hospital?" She asked as the words sunk in. Carly watched as Sam gazed down at her left arm and a look of realization crossed her face. Sam tried to pull her hand away, but Carly had a strong hold on the blonde's hand and continued to rub it, trying to soothe her.

"Sam, calm down." Carly ordered, but the blonde continued to squirm and try to break free from the brunette's grip.

"How can you even be in the same room with me after what I tried to do?" Sam asked softly from her spot on the bed. Carly's eyes never left Sam's form and she was surprised when tears started to flow down her pale face.

"Sammy, you're my best friend. I'll admit, what you tried to do was stupid and selfish, but you know I care about you no matter what." Sam's tears increased as guilt consumed her mind.

'I am so stupid.' Sam thought as Carly carefully sat down next to her friend on the hospital bed.

"I'm sorry, Carls." Sam said as Carly slung an arm around her.

"It's okay, Sam. Spencer and I are going to help you through this. The first step is getting you and your cat out of your house since your mom obviously doesn't care about you." Sam nodded as she leaned into Carly's embrace.

"You don't have to worry about Muffins. He died a couple of years back." Carly just looked at Sam in surprise.

"He did? Why didn't you tell me?" Sam shrugged as she cuddled closer to Carly.

"It wasn't important compared to all the shit my mother has been putting me through." Carly nodded and ran a comforting hand through Sam's greasy blonde hair.

"You're going to need a shower when we take you back to my house." Carly stated.

"When do I get released?" Sam asked as a knocked fell upon the door. Before Sam or Carly could say another word, Sam's doctor and Spencer entered the room.

"Hello Samantha. I am Dr. Bradley." The doctor said as he approached her bed. Unconsciously, she leaned even closer to Carly. Carly held back a chuckle at Sam's behavior, remembering the girl's fear of hospitals and doctors.

"Hello Dr. Bradley." She said as the doctor stared down at her arm before looking back up at her face. Spencer waved from his spot in the corner and Sam waved back with her right hand as the doctor cleared his throat.

"How are you feeling today?" He asked as he pulled a pen out of his front pocket. Sam watched as he flipped through a few pages on his clipboard before answering.

"Tired. My arm hurts a lot too." Dr. Bradley nodded.

"That's to be expect. Are you having pains anywhere else?" Sam paused before shaking her head. "Good, good." He said as he jotted a few notes down on his clipboard. Carly gave Sam a give squeeze to relax the blonde who had become tense ever since Dr. Bradley had entered the room.

"Can I ask you a question, Dr. Bradley?" Sam asked as the chestnut haired doctor looked up. Spencer and Carly's attention remained focused on the blonde in the hospital bed.

"Of course, anything." He replied. Sam bit her lip.

"How long am I going to have to be in the hospital?" She asked and he frowned. The room quickly filled up with tension as Dr. Bradley lowered his clipboard.

"Well, hopefully not long. We're going to need to have a psychiatrist come in to make sure you're stable enough to leave the hospital. I would say a week at most as long as you're feeling better and the psychiatrist checks you out." Sam nodded and began playing with her blue blanket with her not bandaged hand.

"Thank you." She mumbled. The doctor approached Sam and ruffled her hair a bit.

"Don't worry, Samantha. We're going to take good care of you here." Carly coughed, causing everyone, but Sam to look at her.

"Actually, she doesn't like it when people call her Samantha. She prefers to be called Sam." Dr. Bradley nodded and turned back to the blonde.

"I'm quite sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to offend you." Sam shrugged.

"It's okay. The only person who really calls me Samantha is my mother. Sometimes my sister does too, but only to get on my nerves." Another silence fell across the room as the doctor peered down at Sam over his square glasses, his grey eyes hesitant.

"Sam, I realize how bad your relationship with your mother is, so we need to figure out what we're going to do about your living situation." Sam looked up at Carly and Spencer who smiled down at her.

"Well, I have an idea…" Sam started as Dr. Bradley smiled down at her.

* * *

"Welcome to your new home, Sam!" Spencer said excitedly as Sam entered their apartment.

"New home? No, this was always my home." Sam replied as Carly shut the door behind them. Spencer nodded as he entered the kitchen.

"So I was thinking that we could order some pizza for dinner and Sam could eat our entire pound of ham with that." The three of them burst out laughing. Once they stopped, Sam looked at Spencer.

"You're serious, right? Because I'm starving and the hospital food was horrible. I could eat five whole hams and two pizza by myself right now." Carly rolled her eyes, knowing that Sam wasn't exaggerating at all. The girl's appetite was legendary in Seattle, except at Seattle General Hospital.

"Yeah, I was. But we've got some ham in the refrigerator and I'll order us a couple of pizzas if you want." Sam nodded enthusiastically as Carly put a hand on her back.

"Come on, we've got a surprise for you." Sam nodded as she followed Carly to the elevator.

* * *

"I can't believe you and Spencer put another bed in your room! You're the best, Carly Shay!" Sam said as she tackled her best friend. Carly laughed as she pried Sam's arms off her.

"Yeah, I know. We didn't want you to sleep on the couch or something. Besides, my room was big enough to fit another bed as long as we moved my desk out. We put it in the back of the iCarly studio." Carly told the blonde as she moved towards the new bed in Carly's room.

"Wow, this is awesome!" Sam cried excitedly as she jumped onto her new bed.

"Hey, be careful. Your arm is still sensitive." Carly scolded, but Sam just smiled at her.

"Thanks for everything, cupcake. For letting me live with you, the new bed, and just caring about me. You're the number one best friend on this entire planet, you know." Carly smiled as she joined Sam on her bed. Spencer had suggested getting Sam plaid bed sheets since the blonde loved anything plaid. Spencer had even carried a small bureau up to Carly's room and they made space for it in the corner of the room, next to Carly's dresser.

"Of course, Sammy. You're my best friend and I love you." Carly said as she pulled Sam into a hug, which she gladly returned. "Now come on, let's go see if we can get you that ham you were dying for." Sam nodded and the two jumped off the bed and headed back downstairs.

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The End

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Well, would do you think? Reviews would be nice.


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